Anyway, like I said before my main diet is built around having a 300 calorie breakfast and two 500 calorie meals, giving me some wiggle room for my little treats. In reality, I'm actually not often hungry for 3 full meals, so most days I tend to skip either breakfast or lunch, which gives me more allowance for the ✨ treats ✨

But, going back to my 3 big goals:

1. I don't want to feel hungry
2. I want to continue to enjoy eating
3. I don't want to plan my life around it

As part of my weight loss initiative, I knew I would need to find some exercises that I can easily do at home while distracted by other things. Gym memberships, fitness classes, even just going for walks in the park all eventually fail me after the initial spark of motivation. All of these things can be fun in small doses but I knew they wouldn't be the backbone of my long term progress.

In college when I had a gym on campus I had the most success watching anime on the elliptical. For a while I've thought, it would be so nice if I could figure out something like that without having to leave the house! Well, of course I don't have space for an elliptical here. I thought about getting a treadmill, but even the under desk ones can be quite loud and bulky, and I honestly never liked the treadmills even at the gym. I also think the diet and fitness industry as a whole is really manipulative and I didn't want to fall into the trap of thinking I can lose weight just by throwing money at it. I mean, my body builds muscle and burns calories for free literally every day, so I should definitely be able to make at least some progress without it...

Recently I gained a lot of weight really suddenly, for the first time in my life! 

Truthfully, I feel kind of embarrassed talking about my weight or wanting to lose weight, because I'm still relatively skinny, or at least "average weight" by many metrics, so I'm afraid that wanting to lose weight would come off as shaming others who are bigger than me. Actually, when I look in the mirror right now, I don't see a problem with my appearance. Whether because of my body shape changing or just getting a bit more mature emotionally, I'd say my own self image has actually only improved as time goes on (which is really nice!).

But, I'm used to being a certain weight all my life, so when the number started creeping up, I did feel like I wanted to try dieting to try and get back to what's normal for me. And then those diet attempts didn't pan out, I turned 30, and my weight jumped up more than I'd ever seen before. Now I'm getting serious about it for 2 main reasons:

1. My height and weight finally pushed me into the "overweight" BMI category. Even though I know BMI is a flawed way to measure health broadly, I might be one of the lucky people that BMI is modeled after, so I should probably listen to it 

2. A lot of my clothes are starting not to fit comfortably, and I'm at a serious risk of having to buy a whole new wardrobe. Again, I really wish that my brands catered to a broader size range, but the reality is that they don't and I've got no power to make it happen. So, if I'm lucky to be someone who can continue wearing them just by making some (honestly much needed) lifestyle changes then I'm definitely going to try!